


Genesis

by asteriae



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A Black Widow origin story, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexual Natasha Romanov, Gen, Kinda, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 05:56:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13070541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asteriae/pseuds/asteriae
Summary: Can you wipe out that much red? Dreykov's daughter? Sao Paulo? The hospital fire? Barton told me everything.How Natasha got red in her ledger- and how she started to wipe it out.





	Genesis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Simurgh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simurgh/gifts).



> Merry Christmas Sarah! 
> 
> In the list of fandoms you expressed interest in, you mentioned that you always considered Natasha Romanov to be asexual. The next thing I knew I'd written a 15k word origin story... Oops? 
> 
> This story can be considered canon-compliant in the MCU for films up to Captain America: The Winter Soldier. (Which I think is where Sarah has seen up to?)
> 
> I can't read or write Russian- so if anyone can fix my translations I'd be very grateful!

When Natasha Romanov uploaded the Shieldra files to the internet, stopping Project Insight and saving millions of people, she had to make a choice. 

By her estimation, it would have taken her three minutes and twenty seconds to alter the Black Widow file enough that she would never see the inside of a prison. With two minutes and ten seconds she could avoid a life sentence, and with a minute and a half she could change enough of the dates to not be called in for questioning at all. 

But she didn’t really have ninety seconds to spare. 

So the Black Widow files were uploaded to the internet in their original form, along with all of Hydra’s dirty secrets. 

When she was made to testify on Capitol Hill it was glaringly obvious that they’d only scratched the surface of the Black Widow file- and she was protected by her position as an Avenger. 

When the Avengers finally combed through the files themselves, and called her in for questioning? There was nothing to protect her then. 

The handcuffs they’d slapped on her glinted under the harsh fluorescent lights, but she knew they were only really there for show. 

Tony knew she could have broken out of them and escaped the Tower sixty different ways by now, but she hadn’t. 

Finally the door swung open and revealed the newly not-dead Agent Coulson, Steve standing awkwardly by his side. 

‘Natasha’ Steve greeted stiffly, walking into the room like she might pounce at any moment, ‘I’m sorry about this’. 

Coulson dropped a file on the table in front of her and she arched an eyebrow at him, still pissed that he’d pretended to be dead for so long, ‘Phil’.

‘Your record made for some very interesting reading, once we cracked all the Hydra encryptions and fail safes’ he began, settling himself down at the table, ‘It seems that Hydra had its own ties to the Red Room, so once Clint brought you in, they redacted much of your file- hiding it behind firewalls and complex coding, to make sure that we would bring you on board, rather than imprisoning you’. 

She deliberately didn’t react, she’d begun to suspect as much as soon as Hydra was revealed. 

‘Why do you think they would do that?’ Steve asked, still looking deeply uncomfortable. 

‘I was an expensive asset to train’ she shrugged, ‘Perhaps they hoped by letting me defect to Shield, they could recruit me again one day’. 

‘Did anyone ever try?’

Natasha shook her head, ‘I can say honestly I had no idea about Hydra. I thought they died with Schmidt in 1945, like everyone else’. 

There was a long drawn out silence; Natasha recognised the look on Phil’s face. It was the same look he’d made when Clint had first brought her in and he was deciding if they could trust her. 

‘The Black Widow is credited with assassinations as far back as 1832’ he said finally, ‘The details were buried under endless encryptions, but they were there’. 

‘How old are you Nat?’ Steve asked, and she grinned. 

‘You heard Zola in that bunker, Natalia Romanova, born 1984’. 

Steve gave her a disbelieving look, ‘I don’t believe for a moment you’re only thirty’. 

‘That’s very rude, Rogers’ she said flippantly, ‘I thought fellas from the forties would have better manners than to ask a girl her age’. 

He set his jaw into a hard line. 

‘Look, Natasha-’ Coulson began, but she cut him off. 

‘I am older than you think, yes’ she conceded with a small incline of her head, ‘But you’ve missed the most important thing’. 

‘Which is?’ Steve asked. 

‘The Black Widow isn’t a person’ she said, ‘It’s a _job_ ’. 

***

The first Black Widow was a mutant- everyone in the Red Room knew that much. She’d been fast, strong and stealthy. She lived longer than the average human and once she realised she would one day die- she established the Red Room. 

Of course, she would have been horrified to see how her creation had turned out. 

When she died in 1898 from a bullet wound to the throat even her restorative powers couldn’t fix, the oldest trainee of the Red Room became the Widow.  
She survived six months. 

The next lasted a year, the next 5 months, and so on. 

By 1905 the Red Room had trained and lost 15 Black Widows- none of them a patch on the original. 

They started to train the girls harder, younger, tougher. 

They took families off the street and made girls watch while their parent’s throats were slit, and then made them endure training that the harshest military wouldn’t inflict on their most hardened troops. 

Natalia Alianovna Romanova was born in Stalingrad in March 1945, just days after Captain America crashed the Valkyrie in the Arctic. 

In 1950 she watched her parents bleed out on a snow-covered street. 

By 1953 she’d killed twelve people. 

In 1957 she was taught how to plant explosives. Her kill count tripled overnight. 

Twenty-eight girls were taken into the Red Room at a time, until only one survived. 

Yelena died of exposure when they were left on a mountainside for a week. 

Vasilisa had her throat cut after she stole another girls ballet slippers. 

Natalia killed Kristina with her bare hands. Because she was told to. 

She didn’t know any different- none of them did. All they knew was training, and dancing and brutality. By the time her first period came she knew exactly how to wash the blood from her clothes. 

In April 1960, Yuliya fell while dancing and broke her ankle, so the Mistress told Natalia to put a bullet between her eyes. 

And then she was the last girl left. 

No longer a recruit, Natalia was now an Asset- and they had plans for her. 

***

‘So that’s when you became the Black Widow?’ Steve interrupted. 

She glared at him. 

‘нет’ _(No)_ she said, ‘That’s when they introduced me to her’. 

‘How old were you?’ Coulson asked. 

Natasha thought for a moment, ‘Fifteen’. 

‘Who was the Black Widow at the time?’ 

She allowed herself a small smile, ‘Her name was Karina’.

***

‘When you’re with me you will speak English until your accent is gone’ the Widow began, looking across the table at Natalia, ‘You will dance with me from six until nine, we will then focus on weapons training until twelve thirty, when we will have lunch’. 

She paused, as if waiting for Natalia to say something. Natalia stayed quiet. 

‘After lunch we will spar until I am satisfied’. 

Natalia did ask how long that might be. She knew better than to interrupt. 

The Widow continued to give her instructions- on how to wear her hair, how to apply makeup, what clothes to wear to spar in. Natalia couldn’t help but watch the older woman in quiet fascination- she was in her early thirties at the most, with soft brown hair and dark eyes. Her skin was pale, and she was so slender and slight that no one would be surprised to discover she was a ballerina. _Everyone_ would be surprised at learning she was a seasoned killer. 

With a sharp nod of the head Natalia was dismissed, and escorted to the room she used to share with twenty seven others, to pack her meagre belongings and move them to her own room. 

Her own _room_. 

Training with the Widow was the hardest thing Natalia had ever done, and she had once trekked 36 miles across Siberia in nothing but her leotard because she’d dared to ask one of the Mistresses for an extra glass of water with dinner. 

Natalia knew she was the best of the twenty eight- she wouldn’t have made it this far if she wasn’t- but training with the Widow showed her exactly how weak she was. 

Day after day, week after week, the Widow made her dance and shoot and spar until she threw up or passed out. 

If she threw up, she was made to clean it up herself, before beginning the exercise again. 

If she fainted, she was doused with cold water until she woke up- and then made to begin again. 

After three months she went an entire week without passing out or throwing up once, and the Widow decided that was a sign she was ready for the next stage. 

Espionage. 

Natalia could kill a man with her bare hands, dismantle, clean and reassemble any weapon handed to her in under twenty seconds, hold pointe for over an hour and had worked up an immunity to most common poisons thanks to the Mistresses slipping it in her food. 

It was time she learnt how to put all of it to use. 

Under the Widow’s tutelage she became an expert in politics, language and culture. 

She could blend in anywhere at any time- she could manipulate information out of anyone, and no one would ever see her coming. She was taught the intricacies of sex- how to seduce and extract information at the same time. She couldn’t understand how it was pleasurable, but it garnered results much faster than most torture methods. 

By seventeen, the Widow was satisfied. Natalia was the perfect candidate to replace her once she died- the only thing left to do, was the procedure. 

***

‘So they chose you to replace her?’ 

‘Steve this would go much quicker if you didn’t keep interrupting’. 

Steve had the decency to look chastised, ‘I’m sorry- I just never considered that the Black Widow was more than a single person’. 

Coulson tapped his pen on the end of the desk, seemingly pondering what to ask next. 

A faint thumping could be heard from the other side of the interrogation room mirror. 

‘Ask her about the procedure!’ came a voice. 

There was a pause. 

‘Tony’s listening’ Steve supplied, unnecessarily. 

She cocked an eyebrow, ‘James too?’ 

He nodded, ‘He said he recognised you’. 

She stayed mute. 

‘How is that possible?’ Steve prompted. 

She grinned, ‘I’m getting there’.

***

Natalia knew nothing about the procedure- none of the girls did. It was spoken about in whispers and furtive glances at the Mistresses; even afterwards, Natalia couldn’t be sure what they’d done. 

After three months of no menstruation, she started to have some idea. 

It made sense, she supposed- it was one thing that could be more important than the mission, and it removed that variable. The Red Room was very good at changing the variables. 

She was sent back to training just two days after the procedure; she was sluggish after two days of no training, and she was too slow avoiding a knife. 

The resulting gash was deep, and she had a moment to curse the fact it would scar before she was on her opponent again, bringing them down with their own knife. 

Two days later the cut was gone. 

On a mission in a crowded city she had to make a shot that she never expected to hit its mark; her target many blocks away and in the middle of a crowded market. 

He went down with a bullet perfectly between his eyes. 

She wasn’t stupid- she knew they’d taken something from her, but they’d given her something too. Her vision was so good she could almost see every pore on a person’s face from ten feet away. She could run faster than she ever had before and she never felt cold any more. 

‘You have handled the change well’ the Widow remarked one day after sparring. 

Natalia stayed silent. 

‘Not all survive’ she continued, taking a drink of water, ‘Their body cannot handle it’. 

The Widow gave her an appraising look. 

‘You’ll be assisting me on missions from tomorrow’. 

‘Yes Widow’ 

‘You’ll need to bathe well tonight, use scented oils, and apply enough makeup that you look a little older’. 

‘Yes Widow’. 

‘No guns- choose three knives you can conceal well in an evening dress’. 

‘Yes Widow’. 

There was a long pause, before the Widow spoke again, ‘You’re dismissed’. 

Natalia prepared for the mission carefully, eager to impress the older woman and demonstrate how much she had learned. 

The mission, she found out the next day, was twofold, the assassination of a political figure, and the planting of evidence of corruption among his things. Discredit him, and make sure he couldn’t defend himself when his treachery was revealed. 

Natalia was to do the actual assassinating- ‘Less to go wrong’ the Widow said bluntly. 

They arrived at an office building in the centre of a large city- where, Natalia couldn’t be sure, as she’d never found out exactly where the Red Room was. 

‘You are to enter the building and tell the receptionist you’re here to see Mr Ivanov- and that he’s expecting you’. 

She nodded once, understanding perfectly. She took off her coat, and began tugging the neckline of her dress down. 

The Widow gave her a wry smile, ‘You’re exactly his type, and he’s been known to have his dalliances arrive at the office when he’s working late’.

‘Does it need to look like an accident?’ Natalia asked, sliding her dress up just enough to reveal the tops of her stockings. 

‘No- it needs to look like a murder, a crime of passion and anger’. 

‘Business deal gone wrong?’ Natalia asked wryly, ‘Or refused to pay his prostitute?’ her eye widened a bit and mouth shut quickly when she remembered who she was addressing.

The Widow didn’t seem to mind, her eyes glinting with amusement ‘The business deal’. 

They went over the rest of the details quickly, and before Natalia knew it, she was standing in an ornate elevator on her way to the executive floor, having been let in by a very bored looking receptionist. 

The man turned out to be almost too easy to subdue- barely a flash of cleavage and he left himself vulnerable to attack. Why men lost their heads so much at the suggestion of sex was baffling to Natalia; but it made them weak, so she couldn’t complain too much. 

She managed to avoid getting so much as a drop of blood on herself- choosing veins that wouldn’t spray blood too far. She deliberately made the job look messy, while actually ensuring he bled out in forty-six seconds and was unable to call for help. 

Too easy. 

As previously arranged she took the elevator back down to reception, throwing a waspish remark about Mr Ivanov being ‘too busy for her tonight’ when the receptionist dryly asked if she was really done so soon. 

She met the Widow back at the car, adrenaline pumping from a successful mission, and eager to see if all went as well for her mentor. 

‘Is it done?’ the Widow asked as she slipped into the seat next to Natalia. 

‘Yes Widow’. 

‘And the receptionist?’ 

‘Thinks he’s working so hard he didn’t even have time to see me’. 

‘How many stab wounds?’ 

‘Four’ Natalia began, ‘Two to puncture the lungs and major arteries ensure he bled out quickly, two sloppily done to make it look like an ametur job’. 

The Widow pondered this for a moment, ‘You did well, Natalia’ she said finally. 

Natalia felt a hot flash of pride, ‘Thank you Widow’. 

There was another pause, ‘When we are not on mission, you may call me Karina’.

***

‘What year was this?’ Coulson asked. 

Natasha frowned- ‘What did I say about interrupting?’ 

‘What year?’ Coulson repeated stubbornly. 

‘1963’. 

Coulson let out a slight whine. 

‘Why?’ Steve asked, ‘Why is the year relevant?’. 

‘There was another very high profile assassination that year’ Natasha said breezily, ‘Coulson is wondering if they’re connected’. 

‘Kennedy?’ Steve asked, ‘Are you seriously telling me the assassination of a Russian businessman was linked with the assassination of the President?’ 

‘That’s classified’ Coulson said in a strangled sort of voice. 

***

After that mission it became habit for their handlers to send them out on their own. Karina as The Widow and while Natalia was known as The Spider. They each had a personal handler, Natalia’s a squat old man with a mustache and Karina’s a stern woman known only as Madame. They worked as a seamless team- no mission was beyond them, no job too much, until the soldier. 

Their handlers introduced them to the Winter Soldier the summer after Natalia turned 21. 

They were to train together, work together, live together. 

The three of them would be the perfect team to serve their motherland- the Soldier to fight the big battles, the Widow to manipulate politics, and the Spider to get rid of rivals quietly. 

No one felt the need to tell either Karina or Natalia much about the Soldier; just that he was stronger than either of them could ever hope to be, and they should try to learn from him. 

Their training with him was nothing short of torture. 

Natalia might heal faster since the procedure, but it didn’t make the wounds hurt any less. 

He never seemed to tire- he could spar with them for hours on end, not breaking a sweat or dropping his guard once. Natalia began to suspect he wasn’t all human. 

She would have felt worse about his training, if it weren’t for Karina. 

Natalia was moved into Karina’s bedroom, the Soldier was given hers, although from what she understood it was less a bedroom and more a cell for him. 

The women limped back to their room every night- sometimes to exhausted to undress or wash. Once they ached so fiercely neither of them could grip the door handle to get in the room- they slept on the floor outside the door. 

‘Do you think they replaced more than just his arm?’ Natalia asked one night as she sewed new ribbons to her pointe shoes. 

Karina arched one perfect eyebrow at her, ‘You want to know what other attachments he might have?’ 

Natalia shot the older girl an unimpressed look, ‘I just mean he can’t be human’. 

‘He’s human alright’ Karina winced, stretching against the wall, ‘I think whatever they shot him up with was a lot more potent than what they gave you’. 

It was the first time either of them had explicitly mentioned the procedure. 

Natalia took a chance, ‘What about you? What did they give you?’ 

Karina didn’t answer for a long time, and Natalia assumed she was going to ignore the question by the time she finally spoke. ‘They didn’t have to give me anything’. 

‘So you’re-’

‘A mutant’ Karina said, ‘I think that’s what they’re calling us now’. 

Natalia pondered this for a while, ‘You’re fast, and strong- but you don’t heal like I do’. 

‘No’. 

‘Can you do anything else?’ 

Karina shook her head, ‘They used my blood to create the serum they used on you- they added other things too, which is where the healing comes from, I assume’. 

‘Were all the other Widows-’ Natalia broke off.

‘Enhanced?’ Karina asked, ‘Yes- in one way or another. Some were given a serum like you, others were operated on, some had abilities already’. 

‘They’ve spent a lot of time trying to perfect this’ Natalia murmured. 

‘So we’d better not waste it’. 

The mission that changed everything started out like any other- infiltrate a politician’s household as maids, learn what they can from the files in his office, and report back. 

It was so deceptively simple that Karina made the argument that Nat should go in alone. The handlers agreed, and Natalia found herself working undercover for eight days as a maid. The mission was more suited to her style- she was better at subtle jobs, working in the background. Karina seemed to thrive when she was in the spotlight, seducing men and dazzling crowds on their arm, before slipping arsenic in their evening whiskey.

She slowly stole information from the office- piece by piece, never enough to arouse suspicion. She kept her head down, the picture of a dutiful maid, speaking only when spoken to and cleaning to the standard they expected in the Red Room. 

It took Nat eight hours to realise there was something strange about the basement. But it wasn’t relevant to her mission- so she ignored it. 

Two days in she realised that it might not be relevant to the mission, but she definitely needed to know what was going on down there. 

One the fourth day she made a calculated decision to infiltrate the basement instead of the office. 

As soon as the cries reached her ears she wished she hadn’t. 

Turns out Captain Dreykov was keeping more than political secrets. 

She snuck back out of the basement, locking the door behind her, and went back to stealing his political secrets. 

Natalia tried to forget about the children in the basement; they weren’t relevant to the mission, they weren’t why she was here. 

Their imprisonment might not be pleasant, but she had survived worse as a child. They might be beaten, raped and starved, but she’d had the same done to her, and then expected to hike across a mountain top, or dance until her feet bled, or learn three new languages. 

What was baffling, though, was the way Dreykov treated his own daughter. 

She was a tiny thing- six years old at the most, and he spoiled her rotten. 

He kept a basement full of abused children, but this one he doted on. She wore frilly dresses of expensive white lace, her blonde hair shaped into perfect ringlets by her nanny every morning and pink ribbons threaded into her curls. She was never told ‘no’, given everything she asked for and always getting her way.

It irritated Natalia, he reminded her of the Mistresses who would play favourites in the Red Room; of the girls who got extra rations and free time and books because they were well behaved. 

She was never one of those girls- her temper flared too quickly, the Mistresses said that her hair the Devil’s own colour and she would rather starve than simper to one of them for extra food.

Every time the young girl came trailing though the house, leaving sticky fingerprints on surfaces Natalia had just cleaned, she felt a sharp stab of hatred. 

On the last day of the mission Natalia received a coded message- the Widow was going to meet her at midnight, there had been a change of plans. 

Natalia arrived at the meeting location three minutes early- her hair wrapped in a scarf and her coat pulled up to her chin. 

The Widow sat beside her on the park bench- her own hair disguised with a blonde wig. 

‘You want me to kill him?’ Natalia guessed, before the Widow could speak. 

Karina grinned almost ferally, ‘No- we want you to kill his family’. 

‘The girl too?’

‘Especially the girl’. 

‘How do they want it done?’ 

The Widow pulled a file from her bag- ‘A tragic accident’.

Natalia took the file and flipped through- ‘Minimum casualties include his wife, daughter, head housekeeper and valets’ she nodded, ‘Simple enough’. 

‘Kill the whole household if you have to’ the Widow said firmly, ‘Most of the staff don’t know what he’s been up to- but they’re probably better off dead than the questioning they’ll go through if they survive’. 

‘Understood’. 

There were a few ways to kill an entire household and make it look like an accident- she contemplated contaminating the water, staging a gas leak or backing up the chimneys to poison the air- but she kept coming back to the children in the basement. 

They didn’t deserve to die. 

She settled on fire- easy to make it look like an accident, and to remove any trace of her being there. She told the Widow as much in a coded message of her own- but she omitted part of her plan. 

The next time Dreykov was away on business, Natalia set her plan in motion. The Dreykov family had a tradition of sharing a pot of tea with the servants after a meal- they believed it kept the servants friendly toward them, and gave them an opportunity to talk about any household business. 

Spiking the pot of tea was almost laughably easy. 

Spiking the milk that the little girl drank before bed was a little more difficult- but she wasn’t the protege of the Black Widow for nothing. 

Once every member of the household was in a drug induced sleep and she was sure they wouldn’t wake; Natalia returned to the basement. 

The three children couldn’t be more than nine or ten years old, and at the sight of her all three pressed backwards against the wall, their chains rattling as they tried to make themselves smaller. 

She barely repressed a snort of amusement, ‘Это не сработает’ _(that won’t work)_ she said, ‘Вы должны это знать?’ _(surely you know that by now?)_. 

The oldest of the children looked up at her with something of a defiant glare, her dirty hair matted around her face , ‘Кто ты?’ _(who are you?)_ she demanded. 

‘Я здесь, чтобы освободить тебя’ _(I’m here to set you free)_ Natalia replied, pulling the keys from her apron, ‘Разве вы предпочтете остаться? _(Unless you’d rather stay?)_. 

The younger two looked to the oldest, clearly looking to her for guidance. 

‘Вытащите их первым’ _(take them first)_ the older girl said, jerking her chin at the smaller two. 

Natalia tried not to be impressed by a ten-year-old showing more courage than some of the girls she was trained with, but failed. 

Getting them out of the house was easier said than done, because they were so terrified that they did not follow instruction well. They were so weak that they tripped over air and were breathless just getting up the stairs from the basement. Natalia really wished she could have drugged them too. 

Eventually, all three children were sheltered at the bottom of the garden, with strict instructions not to move or reveal themselves until Natalia returned. 

As she stepped back into the house she caught sight of one of Dreykov’s daughter's ribbons sitting on a counter, and she was suddenly furious with the injustice of it all. By pure chance, this girl was born into a family who did nothing but cherish her, and the children outside were born into a world where they would be abused by the same family.  
She wanted Dreykov to know, when they found his family’s bodies, that someone had discovered his secret. She wanted him to know that the family he cherished was gone, but the children he abused survived. 

She wanted him to suffer. 

Natalia made a decision, and started to climb the stairs to the girls' room. 

The nanny was asleep peacefully in the rocking chair by her bed, snoring softly. The girl weighed practically nothing as Natalia lifted her from the bed and carried her down to the basement. 

She chained the fragile girl up to the wall the same way the other children were, the blonde thing barely stirring as she did so. 

With a feral grin of satisfaction Natalia left her there, locking the door behind her. 

There was an art to setting the perfect fire- especially if it had to look accidental. 

She placed very small piles of accelerant around the house, taking care to lock doors as she went, so even if one of them awoke, they wouldn't be able to escape. 

As she went, she also picked up small items of value that she could give to the children outside- she couldn't exactly take them with her, and they wouldn't get very far without money. 

She turned the oven on, filling the kitchen with gas. She ducked out of the house, leaving the kitchen window open just enough to throw a lit match through. 

The house burned alarmingly quickly. 

She returned to the children, barking at them to follow her as they fled down the long driveway and out into the country. 

The handed over the trinkets, explaining how much each was worth and how best to go about selling them. She pointed them in the direction of the city, before turning on her heel, and leaving them there. 

‘Подождите!’ _(Wait!)_ the eldest shouted after her, but she didn't turn back. 

Their handlers congratulated her for a mission well done, but Karina could tell there was something Natalia wasn’t telling her.  
She told her, eventually, in the dead of night, when they could be sure no prying ears would overhear. 

‘It probably worked better that way’ Karina said, after digesting what Natalia had done, ‘We wanted him discredited and removed from politics, and there’s no way he’ll return now it looks like he was keeping his daughter chained in the basement’.

‘He’ll know the fire wasn’t an accident though’.

Karina shrugged, ‘And to prove that he’d have to admit to abusing multiple children- he’ll never do it’. 

Natalia finally asked the question that had been on her mind since that night, ‘Would you have saved them?’. 

‘No’

‘Do you think I should have left them?’ 

A pause. 

‘No’ 

***

'You murdered that little girl' Steve repeated hollowly, he was looking at her differently now, and Natasha refused to wither under his gaze. 

'And eight other people that night. You knew what I did and who I worked for Captain' she said, 'Are you really telling me you never considered that I'd killed children?'. 

From the look on his face, he hadn't. 

'What happened to the children you set free?' Coulson asked, writing something down in one of his many files.

‘I looked them up when I was recruited by Shield’ she admitted, ‘The eldest died not long after that night, the boy a few years later. The youngest girl survived.’ 

‘And where is she now?’ 

Natasha quirked an eyebrow, ‘You don’t really expect me to answer that do you?’ 

‘Did your handlers ever find out?’ 

‘No’ she said, ‘And Karina never told them’. 

‘And she kept the secret for you?’ Steve asked, his eyebrows raised in disbelief. 

‘She understood why I did it’. 

They sat in silence for a moment, and Natasha wondered if they were going to get on and arrest her any time soon. 

Then there was a knock on the door. 

Steve got up to let them in, and Natasha was stunned to see the whole team assembled on the other side of the door. 

‘I’m not letting you arrest her’ Clint said to Coulson, his chest puffing out and staring the older man down, ‘You knew who she was and what she’d done when I first brought her in’. 

‘The Lady Natasha has committed many acts of horror’ Thor added, ‘As we all have- but she wasn’t given a choice’. 

‘There is always a choice’ Steve argued, mimcing Clint’s posture, ‘And I’d say it’s a pretty easy choice not to kill a child!’. 

‘You’ve clearly never been brainwashed’ The Winter Soldier said, and Natasha tried very hard to repress a shudder at hearing his voice. 

‘You still haven’t told us how you became the Widow’ Coulson pointed out.

‘She helped bring down Hydra’ Clint argued, striding into the interrogation room now, ‘She’s been loyal to Shield for ten years! She saved the goddamn world when the Chitauri invaded! Do you really need to interrogate her to prove her loyalty?’ 

‘Yes!’ Coulson said, slamming his hand on the table, ‘Half our friends and colleagues just turned out to be Hydra! We are not leaving this room until I’m sure Nat isn’t one of them!’ 

Clint didn’t so much as flinch, ‘We’ve weeded them all out- Stark and Pepper fired 2% of all SI employees because of ties to Hydra-’ 

‘4%’ Tony interrupted from the back, and Clint rolled his eyes. 

‘They were people we never expected them to be- don’t you think The Black Widow is a bit too obvious a choice for a Hydra sleeper agent?’ 

Natasha looked at Coulson, and then back at Clint. She’d known the two men for over ten years- since Clint had refused to take the kill shot and Coulson had defended his choice. 

In that time she’d never seen Coulson rattled. He was the picture of poise and calm no matter the situation, whether it was threatening Loki with a giant energy weapon (she’d seen the surveillance footage), jumping out of a plane or defusing a bomb. 

But right now, he was rattled. 

So she made another choice. 

‘I want to continue the interrogation’ she said, and seven pairs of eyes turned to face her, ‘I’m not Hydra, but I have lied about my past. Let me tell you everything’. 

‘Nat-’ Clint said quietly, ‘You don’t have to-’. 

‘Yes I do’ she said firmly, ‘Hydra redacted a lot of my file, if they hadn’t, I know I wouldn’t be sitting here right now’. 

‘They’ll arrest you’ 

She shrugged, ‘Probably- but it’s no less than I deserve. I should have been rotting in a cell somewhere years ago’. 

The rest of the Avengers turned to leave, Clint among them. 

‘Wait’ she said, ‘You should all stay’. 

‘Are you sure?’ Clint asked. 

‘You can stay if you want’ she amended, ‘But you won’t like what you hear- especially you’, she said, looking directly at the Soldier. 

‘I remember your face’ The Soldier said quietly, and his voice sent ice down her spine, ‘But they took everything else’. 

‘They wiped you a few times after our missions- they thought you were going soft on us’. 

He didn’t know how to reply to that, a haunted expression on his face. 

‘The first was after a mission in São Paulo’ she began, and the team settled in to listen. 

***

‘Excited?’ Karina asked dryly as they packed their bags for Brazil. 

‘For the chance to murder people in another country?’ Natalia said, meticulously folding a shirt, ‘Ecstatic’. 

They were transported to a private airfield and handed fake passports and files full of their targets, 36 people in total. 

‘Big job’ Natalia commented as she settled on the plane, ignoring the Soldier, who looked like he’d already been on board for a while. 

‘Hmmm’ Karina murmured in agreement, flicking through the thickest file, ‘thirty six targets in twelve hours’. 

‘Shit is that it?’ 

‘ _Use any means necessary_ ’ Karina quoted from the file, ‘ _Subtlety isn’t required_ ’. 

Natalia glanced over at the Soldier, ‘Well that’ll make it easier’. 

The flight was long- giving them plenty of time to plan how they were going to manage 36 assassinations in just twelve hours.

The soldier didn’t have any input, just waiting for them to tell him what to do instead, which was fine with them. 

They landed and went straight to work, taking ten targets each, each of them in a different part of the city. 

They worked quickly and quietly at first, taking out as many as they could before drawing media attention. With this many targets, media attention was inevitable. 

Natalia finished her list first, arriving at the rendezvous half an hour before the Soldier. 

‘Report’ he barked at her, and she raised an eyebrow cooly. 

‘All targets dead, as well as four civilians who got in the way’. 

The Soldier nodded, pleased, ‘Well done Spider. We will wait for Widow before going for the final six’. 

They sat in silence for a while, giving Natalia a chance to really study him for the first time. 

He was tall, dark haired and muscular- his features didn’t look Russian, and his accent was distinctly American, even when speaking Russian. She thought all curiosity had been burned out of her in training, but she found herself desperate to know more about him. 

‘You can call me Natalia when we’re not on mission’ she said, reminiscent of the first mission she did with Karina. 

The Soldier blinked at her. 

‘And I’m sure the Widow wouldn’t mind you calling her Karina’. 

He frowned, ‘Assets do not have names’. 

She tried to force the scowl from her face, ‘We’re assets, but we’re people too, and people have names’. 

‘I don’t’ 

‘You must do’ 

He shook his head, ‘They make me- forget’ 

She swallowed, licking her lips before answering carefully, ‘The machine they use- the one that feels like ice’. 

He closed his eyes for the briefest moment, and she saw a flash of something in his eyes. 

If she were naive she would call it fear. 

They lapsed back into silence and Natalia tried not to look at him again. 

‘James’ he said, ‘I think my name is James’. 

‘That’s not Russian’ she said lightly. 

‘No- I don’t think I was’. 

She didn’t miss his use of the past tense, ‘Яша _(Yasha)_ it is then’. 

He nodded, and almost simultaneously they both heard footsteps approaching. They drew weapons and got in position, only for Karina to appear around the corner, looking slightly worse for wear. 

‘The last bastard got the drop on me’ she muttered irritably, holstering her own gun and wiping her bloody cheek on her sleeve. 

‘Getting slow in your old age Widow’ Natalia teased, throwing her a towel from the bag they’d left at the rendezvous. 

‘You should respect your elders’ she replied, snapping the towel at the younger girl with a grin, ‘I can still beat you 9 out of ten times on the sparring mat’. 

‘But only once out of ten when it comes to target practice’ Natalia said sweetly, handing out bottles of water now. 

Yasha looked between them, his brow furrowed. 

‘What’s wrong?’ Natalia asked, handing him a bottle of water. 

‘You- you remind me of someone’ he said eventually. 

The two women shared a glance, ‘Who?’ Karina asked. 

Yasha looked down at the unopened bottle in his hand, ‘I don’t know’. 

Natalia decided they could talk about that later. 

‘The last six are all attending a function this evening in the financial district’ Karina said, picking a map out of the bag and gesturing the others over, ‘We have two options, either we go in covertly and try to take them out one by one, or we blow the whole thing’. 

Natalia thought for a moment, ‘How many others inside?’ 

Karina grimaced, ‘Another one hundred guests, easily’. 

‘You two go in covertly’ Yasha said, ‘I’ll stay on the roof opposite and pick off any who try to escape’.

The women gave each other a long look. 

‘That could work’ 

Two hours later Natalia was standing in a ballroom wearing a dress that cost more than all of her belongings combined. 

There were already three bodies stashed in a closet near the kitchens, and the way Karina was currently trailing her fingers down the next target’s lapel, it would be rising momentarily. 

With two targets left it was Natalia’s time to shine. The target she was going for was infamous for attempting to cop a feel of every woman he met- giving her the perfect opening. 

She twisted the ring she wore on her right hand until a small spike popped out, facing inwards. Careful not to scratch herself on it, she walked over to the target, introducing herself as a friend of his wife’s. 

‘But of course she’s always talking about you!’ he blustered, ‘It’s so nice to meet you at last!’. 

As predicted, when she leant in to kiss his cheek, his hand landed firmly on her ass. 

She pulled away, painting on the perfect expression of a scandalised woman. She demanded an apology, and when he blustered and told her it was all a big misunderstanding; she slapped him. 

She made sure to do it hard enough that he would barely feel the prick of the poison laced needle as it scratched across his cheek. 

She stormed off, the picture of offended aristocrat, and waited in the hall for a few minutes. No one came after her, which really spoke volumes about the kind of people at the party. 

After a few minutes she heard a commotion as the target’s heart stopped and he collapsed. Another moment and the Widow joined her in the hall, stowing a long thin blade back in the holster on her thigh. 

‘I don’t think the idiot even noticed me stabbing him’ she said with a roll of her eyes, ‘He was so focused on his boss collapsing in front of everyone’. 

Natalia checked the time on the watch she’d hidden in her bra, ‘36 assassinations in just under eleven hours’ she smirked, ‘We’re good’. 

‘We’re the best’ Karina replied, linking arms with the younger girl and leading her towards the exit, ‘Do you think we have time for a drink before extraction?’. 

They stopped to collect Yasha and change their clothes, before heading to the grimiest bar they could find. 

Natalia had never been inside a bar for fun, and as the music swelled and she caught sight of the writhing bodies on the dancefloor, she decided it probably wasn’t for her. 

Karina was putting drinks in her hands and telling her to drink up, and Yasha was staring at the glass, as if it was a threat. 

‘If you’re not going to drink it I will’ she warned them, having already put away four shots of whiskey. 

Natalia threw back the alcohol and grimaced- it wasn’t what she was used to. Yasha seemed to like it though, drinking both of his shots and looking expectantly at Karina, who laughed. 

They found a secluded table near the back of the bar, and settled in to wait for their extraction. They sampled a variety of Brazil’s imitations of vodka; declaring each one worse than the last. 

Karina was the only one of them who’d been given a pager, and when it began to beep five minutes away from their extraction time, they prepared to leave. She disappeared behind the bar to use their phone, and came back with a wide grin on her face. 

‘Extraction has been delayed’ she announced, dumping a tray of shots on the table with a flourish, ‘We’re to lay low until they can collect us’. 

Natalia took one of the glasses and downed the clear liquid in one, ‘I think this is the first time off we’ve had in our lives’. 

‘I think I used to have days off’ Yasha said, and they both looked at him in surprise, ‘I wasn’t always a soldier’. 

Karina sighed, ‘Me either’. 

Natalia quirked an eyebrow and said nothing. 

‘What did you do?’ she asked Karina, ‘Before you were the Widow?’. 

‘I was a dancer’ she said, ‘I was going to be the best. I wanted to join the Russian ballet’. 

‘What happened?’ 

‘My powers kicked in around puberty’ she said breezily, ‘So my parents dumped me in the Red Room. They were well rewarded for providing such a strong candidate for the programme’. 

Natalia said nothing. 

‘I worked at a dockyard’ Yasha said, ‘I think, anyway. I remember there were boats’. 

‘What would you have done, Natalia?’ Karina asked, ‘If you hadn’t been brought to us?’. 

Natalia had never given it much thought. 

‘I think I could have done well in business’ she said with a grin, ‘Especially with our training’. 

‘I think assassinating your business rivals is frowned upon though’ Karina pointed out, ‘So you might not get very far’. 

‘If assassinating your business rivals is frowned upon then what exactly do we do for a living?’  
‘Is it really making a living if we don’t get paid?’ Karina asked with a roll of her eyes, ‘I don’t know about you but I’ve never seen a paycheck. This is hardly a career’. 

‘I never wanted a career’ Yasha said slowly, ‘I wanted a family, and a steady paycheck’. 

They sat in silence for a moment.

‘Well, I can’t offer you the paycheck’ Karina said, ‘But I guess we’re family now’. 

Natalia snorted in amusement, ‘Families who murder together…’ 

They drank for hours, laughing and telling Yasha stories about missions they’d run before they’d met him. He haltingly told them stories about his childhood; he couldn’t remember places or names, but he remembered a friend who always got into fights, and a younger sister who always had her nose in a book. 

Karina told her about the ballet- about watching real performances and attending real classes. About dancing for the joy of dancing, not because they were made to. 

Natalia wished she had stories of her own to share. 

By the time their extraction arrived they were drunk, but hid it relatively well as they boarded the plane. Their handlers demanded a debrief, and Karina delivered it articulately and professionally. 

But they weren’t allowed to lie- so when they were asked if they’d been drinking, they said yes. 

The handlers flew into a frenzy- yelling about improper conduct and blatant disregard for the rules, and Natalia could almost pinpoint the moment Karina saw red. 

‘We completed the mission!’ she yelled at her handler, ‘We didn’t get caught, and we hid out in a bar while our extraction was delayed- nothing is against protocol!’. 

Madame backhanded her, hard, the heavy rings she wore cutting across Karina’s cheekbone. 

‘Insolent girl’ she hissed, ‘You were told not to treat the Soldier as if he is human- he is a machine, and you would do well to remember it’. 

Madame raised her hand to strike again, and to everyone’s surprise Yasha caught her wrist in his metal hand. 

From the crunch and ensuing scream, it was obvious he’d broken it. 

The other handlers were on Yasha in a second, pulling him away and injecting him with some kind of syringe. 

Natalia and Karina dove into the fray- ‘Let him go!’ Karina screamed, ‘Let him go!’ 

Yasha fell to his knees, his eyes glazing over, and Karina let out an almost animalistic howl. 

Madame was crumpled on the floor, her eyes glassy with pain. 

Natalia’s handler was standing over her, admiring the obviously broken wrist. 

‘Wipe him’ he said grimly to the handlers who were holding Yasha, and Karina practically whimpered. 

‘Make them watch’ Madame spat. 

Thy arrived at the warehouse where the chair was housed and Natalia practically had to carry Karina across the threshold. 

‘I’m getting too old for this’ the Widow whispered, I don’t know how much longer I can play their game’. 

‘Don’t say that’ Natalia said fiercely, ‘and for God’s sake don’t let them hear it’ she hissed, looking over towards their handlers. 

Yasya was strapped into the chair, his shirt removed and electrodes placed across his chest. His eyes were still glassy and his limbs looked heavy, whatever they had injected him with was doing it job well. 

They tried to force a bit into his mouth and he feebly spat it back out. 

Natalia caught Madames’ eye from across the room and made a conscious decision to straighten her spine. She would not show them weakness. Weakness would get her killed. 

Yasha screamed throughout the procedure, his body going taught and the muscles of his chest and arms flexing and bulging as he tried to escape. The two women watched it all, unblinking. 

When the machine was turned off, and the straps removed, it wasn’t Yasha who stood up. 

It was the Winter Soldier. 

‘отчет’ _(Report)_ Madame snapped. 

‘Активы функционируют’ _(Asset is functional)_ The Soldier replied. 

‘Good’ Madame said, speaking English again. 

She turned to Natalia and Karina, and Natalia had a sinking feeling as she saw the expression in the stern woman’s eye. 

‘Научите их урок’ _(Teach them a lesson)_ Madame smiled. 

The Soldier lept into action, and Natalia had a moment to think that this was too cruel- they hadn’t slept in over a day, hadn’t had a chance to eat or rest or recover. 

They barely stood a chance against the Soldier when they were at their best- right now they were as good as dead. 

The handlers scattered, retreating into a small office to watch them fight for their lives. 

The Spider and the Widow scattered in opposite directions. The Soldier would no longer remember training with them, but they remembered him. 

The fight was fast, bloody and brutal. 

Natalia knew several of her ribs were broken, her arm too, but she kept going. 

She’d turned her back for a second when she heard the scream. 

Someone barked a command word over the intercom, and the Soldier stopped his attack as suddenly as he had started. 

Karina was laying on the ground, blood pooling around her head. 

Natalia ran to her side, only slightly comforted by the rise and fall of her friends chest. 

She rolled her over, and almost sobbed out loud. 

The Soldier had taken one of her eyes. 

***

‘I remember’ James said, looking surprised that he’d spoken at all, ‘Not all of it- but-’ 

‘The thirty six-’ Coulson interrupted, and the Avengers all groaned. 

‘Not now-’

‘James was remembering-’ 

‘Shut _up_ Phil’ Clint advised. 

Natasha tried to repress a smile. 

‘The mission’ James said, ‘Your dress was green’. 

She nodded. 

‘We didn’t have time to find you a wig… Karina said it made you look like a Christmas decoration’. 

She scowled as Clint gave a sharp bark of laughter, ‘Of course you remember _that_ bit’. 

‘The thirty six-’ Coulson tried again, and Natasha spotted Clint rolling his eyes, ‘Who were they?’. 

‘No idea’ she shrugged, ‘They weren’t exactly my main concern at the time’. 

‘I think I might know’ Tony said from the back of the room, and they all looked at him in surprise, ‘What year was it?’ 

Natasha thought for a moment, ‘1968’. 

Tony nodded, ‘The Treaty on Nuclear Weapons’. 

Everyone else continued to look baffled, but understanding dawned in Coulson’s eyes. 

‘In 1968 a treaty was signed with regards to Nuclear Weapons’ Tony explained, ‘The Soviet Union would only sign if the USA did, but a lot of people were resistant. A group of influential Americans formed a secret society of sorts- they were due to meet in São Paulo to discuss how best to block the treaty, but they all disappeared and the treaty was signed three weeks later by both the Soviet Union and the USA’. 

There was a long silence as everyone digested this. 

‘How exactly do you know this, Mr Stark?’ Coulson asked stiffly.

Tony shrugged, ‘My dad was supposed to be number 37- he missed it because he married my Mom that week. He always joked he dodged a bullet for a ball and chain instead’ 

‘So Natasha killed 36 people and possibly helped end the Cold War?’ Steve asked skeptically, ‘I didn’t see that coming’. 

‘I’d like to point out that Yasha was there too’ Natasha said, her handcuffs clinking against the table as she gestured to him. 

‘He was brainwashed’ Steve said dismissively. 

‘So was she’ Yasha replied fiercely. 

Clint took Natasha’s hand, giving it a supportive squeeze. 

‘So you picked up the mantle of Black Widow after your comrade was injured by James?’ Thor asked, looking between her and the Soldier. 

‘We swapped roles after that’ Natasha said, ‘I became the Widow, and she became the Spider’. 

‘You took on the public facing missions, and she did the covert ones’ Coulson summarised, and she nodded. 

‘She never stopped trying to get through to Yasha’ she said sadly, looking up at the man who’d beaten her so often, ‘The longer they went without wiping him the more he would remember. When he was wiped she would repeat to him the stories he told us when he was lucid’. 

Yasha looked haunted, like he was desperately trying to remember but the memories were locked out of reach. 

‘I remember her voice… But I don’t remember her face’ he said sadly. 

‘I don’t have any pictures’. 

He shrugged, ‘Didn’t think you would’. 

‘What year did Barton bring you in?’ Steve asked. 

‘1990’ Clint answered for her, ‘It was only my third solo mission’. 

‘What happened between 1968 and 1990 that made you want to defect?’ 

Natasha raised an eyebrow, ‘Are you saying what you’ve heard so far wasn’t enough reason?’. 

Steve frowned at her, ‘You know that’s not what I meant’. 

‘Karina couldn’t stand how they treated Yasha’ she said simply, ‘She refused to treat him as a machine like they wanted us to- and it got us into trouble’. 

Yasha promptly sat down in the nearest chair. 

‘You defected because of me?’ 

‘You weren’t the only reason’ Natasha sighed, ‘The Soldier was always trying to protect Karina, and she was always trying to protect him too- I was just caught in the crossfire with the woman who became the Spider next’. 

‘The Soldier tried to protect her too?’ Yasha asked horsley. 

‘He always seemed to remember her’ she said slowly, ‘Not fully, but whenever they were put together and made to spar, he went gentler on her than he would on me’. 

‘And the handlers knew?’ Steve asked. 

‘They knew that he became more human on missions with her’ she said, ‘So he was often only sent on missions with me or Doroteya’. 

Coulson looked down at the file in front of him, ‘He was there for the hospital fire?’ 

She grit her teeth, deliberately not looking at Yasha ‘Technically, he started the hospital fire’. 

***

Karina was starting to scare her. 

She talked about leaving in the dead of night. Of getting out of Russia, living on a farm somewhere in Finland and never killing anyone ever again. 

Before São Paulo they used to joke about it in the middle of the night. About become housewives and eating chocolate for every meal and never exercising again. About getting a ridiculous job as a waitress or cleaner and pretending to be American working abroad in Spain or Italy. 

Natalia didn’t think she was joking any more. 

And she knew that the only way either of them was ever leaving the Red Room was in a body bag. 

But still Karina talked about getting Yasha out, breaking his conditioning and helping him find his family. Maybe even finding out what happened to her family, and whether they cared at all about her. 

The handlers didn’t seem to know that one of their best agents dreamt of defecting. They were sent on mission after mission, never failing. 

Natalia settled into her role as the Widow with apparent ease- her years of training making her more than ready to step into the older woman’s shoes. 

Karina seemed relieved to be demoted, taking the mantle of Spider like it was a holiday. 

By 1975 Natalia’s kill count as the Widow is double Karinas, and Karina is starting to go grey. 

By 1977 they’ve found a suitable replacement among the candidates of the Red Room, and they bring her to Natalia for training. 

Natalia breaks her. 

In 1978 they bring her another, and another in 1979. 

She breaks them all. 

Karina says she’s being too hard on them, but she knows why Natalia is doing it. 

The Red Room will have no use for a retired asset. Neither of them are under any illusion of what will happen once the replacement Spider is up to scratch. 

Karina will be killed, her name added to the list of those who died gloriously for their motherland. Natalia doesn’t think there’s much glory to be found in a bullet to the back of the head, despite what their handlers might tell them. 

In 1983, twenty years to the day of Natalia’s first mission as the Spider, they bring her a girl no older than thirteen, who radiates confidence and attitude. She doesn’t look like an assassin- short and curvy with rounded cheeks that no amount of Red Room starvation seems to be able to shake. She introduces herself as Doroteya, and proves herself to be far more competent than even Natalia was at her age; no matter what Natalia does to her, she won’t break. 

In 1984 she undergoes the procedure, and becomes the Spider- with Karina as her handler. 

Former assets don’t make for good handlers in the long run; they have their own way of doing things, their own intuition that might differ from the agent they handle. A good handler should be able to adapt to any situation their asset throws at them. 

To begin with they won’t let Doroteya call them by their names. They are Widow, Spider, and Madame. They will not get attached to another girl destined to die. 

But Doroteya is fierce, and competent. Natalia finds herself trying to protect her even though she knows that she doesn’t need protecting. One day after a successful mission she smiles at the girl and says ‘call me Natalia’- and she knows that she has fallen for the Red Room manipulation again. _Give them a reason to stay_ , their handlers believed, _and they will never leave_.

Doroteya excels in missions where she’s undercover for extended periods of time. She is gone for nearly two years in the late eighties, Karina with her; a mission so covert even Natalia isn’t allowed to know all the details. 

While she’s gone Natalia is partnered with Yasha. They don’t wipe him once in the whole two years, and she tells him stories about the woman who would do anything to protect him. 

When Doroteya returns in 1988, the handlers praise her highly, and they decide that Doroteya will become the Black Widow- much earlier than they had planned. They tell Natalia that she will go back to being the Spider.

In 1989 they order the Soldier to put a bullet in Karina. 

In 1989 Karina runs. 

Natalia runs with her. 

‘Do you even have a plan?’ Natalia asks, shivering in the backseat of a car somewhere in Belarus. 

Karina is entirely grey now. She’s still muscular, but she’s slighter than she used to be, as if her age has caught up with her all at once. She’s nearly seventy, and she looks it. Natalia is 44, and doesn’t look a day over 22. 

‘I have several’ Karina quipped from the front seat, lighting a cigarette, ‘Which would you like to try?’ 

Natalia thinks for a moment, ‘I did like the sound of a farm in Finland’. 

Karina grins and starts the car. 

The Soldier catches up with them on the Estonian border - Doroteya with him. 

It’s the first time Natalia has seen Doroteya dressed as the Widow. The uniform suits her, the dark material clinging to her curves, making her look dangerous. 

Natalia would be proud, if she weren’t so ashamed that she had turned this girl into a murderer. 

‘They have agreed to cancel the kill order on you if you come home’ Doroteya said, her gun pointed directly at Karina, ‘They will show you leniency’. 

She actually sounded like she believed that. 

Karina laughed, loud and ugly. 

‘They have no use for old ladies who are past their prime’ she said, her heavily scarred face turning into a snarl, ‘They will kill us all once they are done with us’. 

Natalia was trying to plot possible routes of escape, but they were truly trapped- the Soldier guarding one end of the ally while Doroteya cut them off at the other side. 

‘You worked so hard to become the Widow’ Doroteya said, focusing on Natalia now, ‘Why would you throw it all away now?’ 

‘Can you really say that this is the life you want?’ Natalia asked the girl, ‘Do you really not think there is anything better out there for you? Friends? Family?’. 

‘I have no family’ Doroteya said flatly, ‘No friends, nothing outside of the Red Room’. 

Natalia shrugged, ‘Neither do we- but we want to find out if we could’. 

Doroteya still hadn’t lowered her weapon; it was focused on Karina with almost a laser like intensity. 

‘I don’t want to shoot you’ she whispered, ‘You’ve been the only friends I’ve ever had’. 

‘Вы должны стрелять!’ _(You must shoot!)_ the Soldier snarled, striding forward from the end of the ally. 

Doroteya looked torn, her eyes darting between the Soldier and Karina. 

'Yasha!' Karina barked, 'Stop!' 

The Soldier's step faltered, and Natalia's jaw dropped. 

'You know us Yasha' Karina said, 'You know all of us- we're not your mission, we're your friends'. 

Natalia thought that might be stretching it a bit- since Karina was still missing an eye. 

With friends like these, who needs enemies? 

'You don't have to kill us' Karina was saying now, her hands held out towards the soldier in a placating manner, 'You could come with us'. 

'You could come too' Natalia said to Doroteya, whose weapon was lowering with every passing second, 'Don't end up like us- we've been pawns of the Red Room for so long'.

Doroteya grit her teeth, her grip on her gun tightening for a second, 'I don't know how to do anything else'. 

Natalia snorted, 'You speak fourteen languages- if nothing else, you'd always find work as an interpreter'. 

The four of them lapsed into silence, and Natalia struggled not to laugh at the tableaux they must paint, four brainwashed Russian assassins, who didn't want to kill any more, staring each other down in a dirty alleyway. 

'If we all run' Doroteya said haltingly, 'They won't stop looking for us'. 

'No, probably not' Karina said, 'But they trained us well enough that they'd probably never find us'. 

Yasha was still standing stock still, his thoughts still obviously not his own. 

Karina edged closer to him slowly, as if he were a horse that might startle. 

'Yasha I know they hurt you' she whispered, 'But we can run away and then they won't be able to any more'. 

'I know your voice' he said, a hint of wonder in his own, 'How do I know your voice?' 

'Because I'm your friend' she said sternly, 'Because they stopped us going on missions together because I helped you remember'. 

'Remember what?' he asked helplessly. 

'Your name is James' she said firmly, Americanising her pronunciation, 'You were a soldier, we think. You had a sister'.

Yasha paused, thinking hard. 'She liked to read'. 

Natalia bit her lip to repress a sob. 

'We will never make it' Doroteya said, dropping her weapon at last, 'There is no where we can go where they won't find us'. 

‘Maybe not’ Karina said, ‘But I know of a few places we might start’.

It was a ridiculous scene, three Black Widows and the Winter Soldier crammed into a Ford Corteener driving through Estonia and back into Russia. 

They stop to find a change of clothes for Yasha and Doroteya and try to make them blend in better, but Yasha looks like a soldier even when he is dressed in jeans and a heavy sweatshirt, so it was mostly futile. 

Doroteya does a stint in the front seat while Natalia drives and the younger girl flicks the radio on. Pop music drifts through the car and after a while, Natalia begins to tire of it- she reaches to turn it off, but catches sight Doroteya’s face. 

She looks happier than Natalia has ever seen her, her head lolling against the headrest, her eyes shut, her fingers tapping along with the beat of the music against her thigh. She also looks very, very young. Dwarfed in an overly large sweatshirt, a skirt that skimmed her knees and her combat boots, she looks every one of her eighteen years. She could be a university student on holiday with her friends.

Natalia leaves the radio on. 

They stop periodically, taking it in turns to drive or navigate. 

The four of them need more food than the average person, so whoever sits in the back seat becomes in charge of snacks and bottled water. 

For four days they drive, and for four days, Natalia could almost let herself forget that they weren't average people at all. 

Yasha remembers more and more of his life before the Red Room the longer they’re away. He was from New York, he tells them. His accent begins to slip, becoming more American every time he speaks. 

Doroteya tells them about the girls in her class. The girls she’d beaten to become the Widow. She tells them that she thinks she was born in the Red Room, because she doesn’t remember anything else. 

They don’t know what Karina was planning, and Natalia didn't like the glint in her eye whenever she asked. But Natalia had been trusting Karina with her life for over twenty years- she wasn't about to stop now. 

They arrived in a city smack bang in the middle of Russia and Karina ushered them all from the car and into a small house, which looked like a Red Room safe house. 

'It was decommissioned in 1965' Karina said gleefully, dropping her bag on the worn sofa, 'As far as the Red Room are concerned, it was sold and now houses a young couple and their new baby'. 

Natalia blinked slowly, processing this. 

'How do you know this?' Doroteya asked, her posture stiff and untrusting. 

'I ran a mission in 1965' Karina said, 'It went south- and I had to hide out here'. 

Doroteya nodded. It was common knowledge that a safe house was only used once. 

'And you really don't think they'll check here?' Natalia asked doubtfully. 

'They might' Karina shrugged, 'But not for a while- gives us a chance to plan'. 

They got the heating working, the stove on and some blankets to make up passable beds out of the sofas. 

While the atmosphere was cosy, it was glaringly obvious that they were all extremely on edge. 

Being in the car had felt safer- the illusion of movement making them feel protected. 

In the house, Natalia felt like a sitting duck. 

The next day Doroteya went into town for supplies. She was the easiest to disguise, passing for a college student out fetching some studying snacks. 

She returned with food, water and a newspaper. 

The story on the front page warned citizens that three female fugitives had escaped custody. There were no pictures, just their ages and a plea for more information. 

' _Armed and extremely dangerous_ ' Natalia read, a cup of coffee halfway to her mouth, ' _Wanted for murder, arson and espionage_ '. 

'Well' Yasha said slowly, 'They're not exactly wrong'. 

They all threw napkins at him. 

'We're going to have to split up' Natalia said eventually, ‘There’s no way we can hide all four of us together’. 

Karina scowled, ‘No’

‘But-’

‘No!’ she emphasised, ‘I wanted us to get out and have a chance at a life together!’ 

‘It’s going to be a very short life if they find us!’ 

Doroteya was looking between them, her face apprehensive. 

‘I think Natalia’s right’ Yasha said, ‘We should split up into pairs- without their four best assets they don’t have the ability to follow us all’. 

‘I don’t want to split up’ Doroteya said quietly, ‘You’re all I have’. 

Natalia and Karina shared a look, and they knew exactly what the other was thinking. How could they have dragged her into this mess with them? How were they supposed to protect her as well as protecting themselves? Was it selfish to wish they’d been able to leave her behind?

‘The first sign of trouble we’ll split up’ Karina said, ‘But for now, we stick together’. 

For a week they do just that- they stick together. 

Natalia finds herself almost enjoying herself- they watch television and eat whatever they want. They've got enough money scraped together between them and the safe house to last them a little while, and she genuinely starts to wonder if they really could do this forever. 

It soon becomes obvious however, that they can't. 

The newspaper articles keep coming, and the town they're in is too small and too cautious of strangers to hide them effectively forever. 

After eight days Karina sits them down at the dining room table, and tells them her plan. 

'In Omsk there's a hospital' she began, 'On top of a Red Room weapons cache'. 

Natalia narrowed her eyes in suspicion, 'We don't need weapons'. 

'No' Karina said placatingly, 'But we do need money'. 

'Do you even know where to sell stolen weapons?' Yasha asked, and the three women turned to look at him incredulously.

'Of course you do, sorry'. 

'The base is unmanned' Karina went on, 'Has been for about five years. It's full of supplies, fuel and weapons- if we take all we can carry, we can live on it for probably a year at least'. 

Natalia's eyes almost disappeared into her hairline, 'If there's that much there why is it unguarded?'. 

'They don't know it's unguarded' she said with a gleam in her eye. 

The three of them gaped at her. 

'How long have you been planning this?' Doroteya asked, gobsmacked. 

'I wanted out of the Red Room from the moment they made me the Widow' Karina said bitterly, 'I knew I probably wouldn't ever make it, but I tried to make arrangements in case I ever could'.

'So you managed to buy a safe house when they thought it was decommissioned, and somehow got rid of the armed guard on a weapons cache?' 

Natalia couldn't help but be impressed. And suspicious. 

'Considering they teach us to seduce and manipulate, they don't teach the agents to withstand our manipulation well' Karina said with a roll of her eyes, 'I had years and years to plan this- and agents are so cut off from the rest of the world most of them are desperate to believe a woman like us would want them'. 

Natalia is almost annoyed that she never tried to manipulate any of her guards. 

Of course, she did have a reputation for killing any of them that tried to get handsy with her- so that probably wouldn't have helped her. 

'You've been faking check ins?' Doroteya asked, 'So they think there's someone on base?' 

Karina nodded, 'Back in '66 I ran a job on a guy who had more money than sense- I was ordered to assassinate him, but given no instruction regarding his money because it wasn't what the Red Room wanted. I took the liberty of setting up an account of my own with what I took from him'. 

'And you've been using it to bribe Red Room staff into doing you little favours' 

'Ten little favours add up to make one big one' Karina said, with a grin, 'But by the time they've done ten they don't really care any more'. 

'What are we going to do after we raid the cache?' Doroteya asked, speaking for the first time since they sat down. 

'Get out of Russia' Karina said flatly, 'We need to go somewhere densely populated, somewhere we'll blend in properly- speaking the language won't be enough. We'll also all need to find work'. 

They all thought for a moment. 

'London' Doroteya said, at the same time Karina said 'Paris'. 

'New York' Natalia and Yasha said. 

There was another beat of silence. 

'There's no guarantee-' Karina began, leaning towards Yasha, but he cut her off. 

'I don't want to find my family' he said, 'I doubt they'd want me back even if they are still alive- New York just makes the most sense'. 

Natalia nodded in agreement, 'We understand the culture, can all speak English with an American accent, and we've all been there before'. 

'Same could be said for London' Doroteya said with a small shrug. 

Karina shook her head, 'Natalia's right- Paris and London aren't big enough'. 

'New York it is then'. 

It took them two days to plan their raid of the cashe. Despite knowing it would be unmanned, they knew that there would be working cameras and probably traps- once they were in, they would only have a short amount of time before the Red Room knew exactly where they were. 

They dressed in civilian clothes- the hospital the cache was under was a fully functional hospital, so they would be able to slip in and out with relative ease dressed casually. 

They emptied the car of anything non essential- creating as much space as they could for their escape. 

'Once we have the weapons we're meeting my contact in Moscow to sell them on' Karina said as they drove to the hospital, 'After that we get out of the country as fast as possible'. 

'Will the cache have passports?' Doroteya asked, fiddling with the end of her scarf.

Karina nodded, drumming her hands on the steering wheel in anticipation. 

It didn't feel real, Natalia thought as she stared out of the window. They'd been out of the Red Room's clutches for three weeks- and they had a real and solid plan to make it permanent. 

She wanted it so fiercely it was like a stomach ache. She wanted to live in an apartment with these three people she could call her friends and pretend to be American and work a boring job. 

She wanted to go out for drinks and not have to kill anyone at the end of the night. 

She wanted to dance for fun and not because someone would whip her if she didn't. 

She wanted to live. 

But she couldn't help but feel like it was all going to go wrong- like this wasn't a possibility for her life. 

Karina had been planning this escape for longer than she'd even known Natalia. Natalia had often thought about escape, yes, but she'd never done anything about it. 

She doubted she ever would have. 

The hospital wasn’t exactly what Natalia had expected, but she realised that she’d been picturing something out of the Red Room. She expected cold walls and empty cots, sterile and functional and not a place for care. 

This hospital was almost the opposite. They ducked into the main enterance, Natalia and Doroteya both doing double takes so minute that an untrained eye would miss it. 

The walls were bright, there were children running around and friendly nurses wearing colourful scrubs. 

It was an entirely civilian hospital, and never before had Natalia felt so acutely aware of how different she really was from the rest of the world. 

Karina led them through the hospital, through winding corridors emblazoned with posters reminding people to get their flu shots, or stay away from livestock, or wear scarves in the winter. 

Yasha was agitated, far more so than Natalia expected him to be. It was going to be the simplest mission they’d ever run- and then they’d be out forever. But the way he was jumping at every sound and double checking every corner, she began to wonder if he knew something she didn’t. 

The staircase that took them down to the cache was concealed behind a fake wall at the back of a lesser used staff room. Karina slid the wall back with practiced ease, and ushered them inside. 

They were half way down the stairs when Natalia began to feel a prickling sensation at the back of her neck. 

Something wasn’t right. 

No simple weapons cache would be buried this far underground. A hospital seemed the perfect cover on paper, yes, but most caches are under houses, to provide more privacy. The walls and floor were the same sterile materiel as the hospital corridors above; why would they bother to do that in a glorified basement? 

‘Karina-’ She began, ‘What is this place?’ 

Karina didn’t answer, but Natalia saw her slow down at the bottom of the staircase, her steps faltering as she entered the room at the foot of the stairs. 

‘This is no cache’ Doroteya said accusingly, drawing to a stop next to the older woman, and Karina shook her head. 

‘It was supposed to be’. 

‘It’s a torture chamber’. 

The two women turned to stare at Natalia, whose eyes were hard as she took in the room ahead of them. 

A single dentists chair in the middle of a cluttered lab, trays of instruments of pain laid out across every gleaming surface. 

‘For who?’ Doroteya asked, ‘The Red Room doesn’t torture their victims, it’s too messy’. 

‘They torture their assets’ Yasha said, stepping into the room. 

‘Yes’ Doroteya conceded with a nod of her head as they went deeper into the room to explore, ‘But why here? They make the trainees go through pain trials at the main base- why have a separate torture bunker?’. 

‘For me’ Yasha said, his jaw set, and not moving from his place near the door. He practically crackled with rage and power, his entire being screaming threat even from all the way across the room. 

For the first time since he’s taken Karina’s eye, Natalia was afraid of him. 

‘You?’ Karina asked in horror, dropping the scalpel she was inspecting and practically launching her way across the room to Yasha, ‘We have to leave, right now’. 

Yasha didn’t seem to hear her. His eyes were fixed on the chair. 

Natalia abandoned the tank of fuel she’d been about to liberate and sprang between him and the chair, trying to break his eye line, like you would a wild animal. 

‘Yasha’ Karina said in a steady voice, ‘We have to leave now’. 

There was a single second of silence, before they all flew into action. 

The Winter Soldier sprinted at Natalia, throwing her aside as he made a beeline towards the chair. In seconds, it was destroyed, a crumbled twisted mass of metal that didn’t remotely resemble a chair any more. 

It wasn’t Yasha any more, Natalia knew, that tore cabinets from the walls and destroyed everything in his path. He didn’t seem to be in control, just destroying everything in the room with a terrifying intensity. 

Doroteya fled to the adjoining room, trying to salvage anything they could still take with them, Natalia tried to stay out of the Soldier’s way, letting him rip things apart in the hope that Yasha would return one he was satisfied. 

Karina was watching on helplessly, calling his name, over and over again. 

‘Yasha stop, _please_!’ 

He didn’t make any indication that he’d heard her, just continued to tear through cabinets with cold efficiency. He knocked canisters of fuel over blueprints that Natalia recognised as his arm, and set them aflame with a single bullet. 

When he ran out of cabinets, he turned on them, the flames flickering behind him.

Natalia ran, Karina didn’t. 

It was like the day she lost her eye all over again, Natalia was heading towards the door, intent on grabbing Doroteya and getting out of there- when there was a blood curdling scream. 

There was a thud, and suddenly everything was very still, and very silent. 

Natalia swore none of them were breathing. 

She turned, and her fears were confirmed- Karina was laying at the Soldier's feet, blood pouring from a wound on her stomach. 

But, he wasn’t the Soldier any more. 

Yasha crumpled to his knees, scooping Karina into his arms, his face horrified and hands bloody. 

Natalia dared to edge a little closer, and realised he was whispering to her, in English, Russian, German, French and every other language that they knew. 

‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry’.

Karina was making small gurgling noises, and even from five feet away Natalia could tell her lungs had been punctured. Even with a hospital so close by, she wouldn’t survive this. 

Doroteya rushed into the room, heedless of Yasha, and immediately began applying pressure to the wound- she barked instructions at them, telling them to find rubbing alcohol and bandages and help her carry her upstairs. 

She didn’t want to accept that it was already too late. 

‘Doroteya’ Natalia said softly, trying to pull the girl away, but she refused to move, trying to ease Karina from Yasha’s arms without touching him. 

‘No’ the younger woman said, ‘She can’t die- this was her plan!’ 

She sounded as hysterical as a woman trained by the Red Room could- her voice cracking as she refused to make eye contact with any of them. 

Yasha was still muttering apologies into Karina’s hair, the fire behind him spreading and beginning to engulf much of the room. 

Natalia forced herself to be rational- throwing anything salvageable into the bag she had thrown over a shoulder, and deliberately not watching her friend die. 

She knew they needed to do something about the fire, but it was spreading quickly, and there wasn’t a fire extinguisher in sight. 

‘You need- need to go’ Karina gasped, her voice faint, ‘Get out now!’ 

Yasha shook his head, holding her tighter. 

Doroteya was crying silently, edging away from Yasha like he might go for her next. 

Then, Natalia had a terrible, terrible idea. 

She saw almost the exact moment Karina had the same thought, the older woman's eyes swivelling to pierce her with a terrifyingly clear gaze. 

Their handlers are going to find Karina’s body here- but what if they found more than one, and left them to burn? 

Their handlers would assume that they were all dead. They would stop looking for them. 

But they couldn’t all ‘die’ here- no one would believe that. But two bodies would look reasonable. Like two of them had killed the others, and run. 

 

In a moment of silent understanding, Natalia and Karina both turned to look at Doroteya, who was now trying to douse the flames before they could spread further. 

They could save her. They could give her the life that neither of them ever got. All it would take is one last unspeakable act. 

Natalia nodded at Karina, and she whispered something so quietly to Yasha that none of the rest of them could hear. 

He lowered her carefully to the ground, before standing and striding over to Doroteya, who tried to run. 

He caught her around the waist with ease, and began to carry her back towards the the staircase. 

She realised what was happening when Natalia drew out a gun, and she began to scream back at her. 

‘Natalia no!’

Natalia didn’t answer. 

‘You can’t! The whole hospital will burn! You can’t leave all these people to die! ’ 

Natalia set her jaw and sat down next to her friend, ignoring the distressed screams echoing down the corridor as Yasha carried her away. The screams stopped suddenly, and Natalia knew he must have knocked her out. 

By the time Yasha returned the fire had spread to the other rooms, and was flickering dangerously close to Natalias leg. 

She didn't care- she would heal. 

Yasha laid a girl down on Natalia's other side, and she tried not to look. 

He'd taken the time to dress the condemned woman in the Widow's uniform, so their handlers would have no doubt that it was Doroteya. 

She couldn't hear a heartbeat- the girl was already dead. She didn’t ask how.

Karina's breath was coming in shallow gasps, and they knew she didn't have long left. 

Yasha sat down on Karina's other side, and they each held a hand until her chest stopped rising. It wasn’t sudden, or dramatic in any way. One moment she was there, the next she was not. 

The heat in the room was unbearable, but Natalia couldn't seem to make herself move, frozen on the floor, holding her dead friends hand, and tears slipping down her cheeks. 

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. They were supposed to all get out. They were supposed to get that apartment in New York and live like normal people and they were not supposed to die in a Red Room bunker under a hospital just weeks after getting out of their clutches. 

It was getting hard to breathe now, the smoke making her feel light headed. She stood, pulling Yasha up with her. 

'We need to make it look like a fight' she said, and he nodded once, not flinching as she shot the fake widow several times. 

They climbed the stairs quickly, and at the top, Yasha produced a canister of gasoline, which he tipped over, and let trickle down the stairs. 

They left the hospital quickly, getting in the car and driving as fast as they could away from the city, before Doroteya could wake up. 

'How long?' 

Yasha shrugged, 'She heals fast. Maybe twenty minutes'. 

Natalia nodded and pressed her foot to the ground. 

At a truck stop they washed their hands and faces in the sinks, discarding their clothes and changing into the new ones Karina had bought them for their 'new life'. 

Natalia changed Doroteya's clothes and washed the blood from her hands with calm efficiency. Yasha returned and handed over bottled water and some protein bars he'd found in the convenience store attached to the truck stop. 

It wasn't much, but it didn't have to last them long. 

Natalia was determined not to be in public or on the road when Doroteya came to- there was no way the young girl would react well to what they'd done. 

 

Natalia knew that she couldn't be for Doroteya what Karina was for her. 

She had a single passport, enough money to get a single person to New York and start a life, and the knowledge that it wouldn't be her. 

They pulled over to the side of the road in the middle of the countryside as the sun was beginning to set. They were waiting for less than five minutes before the sound of Doroteya waking up came from the back seat. 

For a moment, there was silence. 

'What did you do?' she whispered. 

'What I needed to'. 

'Karina?'

Natalia bit her lip and glanced over at Yasha, 'Dead'. 

'The hospital?' 

'I don't know' 

'Bullshit' 

'I really don't' Natalia sighed, 'You've been out barely an hour'. 

'You wanted to get out of the Red Room so you didn't have to kill any more' Doroteya hissed, 'And you potentially just murdered hundreds of people to save yourself'. 

'Yes, I did'. 

'You should have died down there, not her'. 

Natalia silently agreed, and started the engine.

 

‘Where are we going?’ 

‘You’re going to New York’ Natalia said, ‘And we’re going on the run’.

***

There was a long silence when she finished. 

‘How many people died in the fire?’ Tony asked. 

She didn’t answer. He didn’t look like he’d expected her to. 

‘So the girl- she came to America?’ Steve asked. 

Natasha nodded, ‘I don’t know what happened to her, I checked Shield, carefully of course, but I don’t think she ever ended up on their radar’. 

Coulson’s eye was twitching. 

‘There’s another Black Widow living somewhere in the USA?’ he asked with a sense of forced calm, ‘And you have no idea where she could be?’ 

‘Not a clue’ Natasha said cheerfully, ‘That was the whole point’. 

James hadn’t said a word. He was staring blankly at a spot on the opposite wall, while Steve threw worried looks at him. 

‘So you made it look like you and James had killed the Widow and her handler’ Thor summarised, ‘In order to smuggle her out of the country while they’d only be looking for you?’. 

She nodded once. 

‘But you killed a lot of people to do it’ Tony said quietly. 

‘I told you I had red in my ledger’ she said, ‘At the time, it seemed like a little bit more red to make sure she wouldn’t have to live the same life I did’. 

‘Do you regret it?’ Coulson asked, and he didn’t sound like he was questioning her any more. He sounded like her friend again. 

She thought for a moment, ‘Yes- I should have died down there and sent Yasha away with the Widow’. 

‘How can you say that-?’ Clint started, and she cut him off with a glare. 

‘There were a million other ways I could have handled it, but that’s the only one I saw as an option at the time’. 

‘All of this was redacted from her Shield file?’ Steve asked Coulson, who nodded. 

‘The Shield file for the Black Widow was infamously sparse- it’s why they wanted to recruit her in the first place. We assumed it was sparse because she was so good at covert operations-’. 

‘-But it was actually because Hydra redacted most of the information in it’ Steve finished for him, blowing out a breath and looking between Natasha and Coulson, ‘So what now?’ 

‘There’s no undoing what I’ve done’ Natasha said, ‘I’ve always known that I’d have to answer for all of this one day’. 

‘You told Clint all of this?’ Coulson asked, ‘When?’ 

The corner of Clint’s mouth twitched, ‘After Budapest’. 

Natasha shrugged, ‘After that mission I knew I could trust him with anything’. 

‘What happened to Bucky?’ Steve asked, ‘After you sent the girl away and went on the run?’.

‘I left’ Yasha said, and they all turned to look at him, ‘I knew they’d put more effort into looking for me, so I led them away from Natali- Natasha’. 

‘Karina would have hated me for it’ Natasha whispered looking down at her still shackled hands, ‘But it was the only way I would be able to get away- and they caught him. I thought he was dead’. 

‘That’s why you looked like you’d seen a ghost when I described him to you after Fury was shot’. 

She nodded, ‘I really thought he was dead’. 

‘And that’s when Clint brought you in?’

‘There was a lot of chatter about the Black Widow defecting’ Clint said, ‘Everyone wanted to catch her, but no one knew what she looked like. We had no idea there was more than one’. 

‘The Red Room deliberately leaked details of my appearance to known spies’ Natasha told them bitterly, ‘They figured that if they couldn’t find me to kill me, someone else could do it for them’. 

‘I found her in a safehouse in Barcelona’ Clint recalled fondly, ‘I watched her take out six KGB agents who’d been sent to kill her, and when she caught sight of me, she said “if you’re here to kill me too, would you mind giving me a second to catch my breath first?”’. 

‘Then I shot you’. 

Clint nodded once, grinning ‘Then she shot me’. 

Tony blinked, ‘You guys are weird’. 

‘I couldn’t believe my luck when I found out Shield wanted to recruit me not kill me’ she said, ‘I didn’t find out until later that Clint had ignored the kill order’. 

Coulson stood, gathering his files and notes without looking at any of them. 

‘From what I understand’ he said, ‘You’ve told me that you were not the Black Widow at the time of the hospital fire’. 

She frowned, ‘No, I wasn’t’. 

‘Officially, that fire was started by the Black Widow’ 

Understanding dawned on Natasha suddenly. 

‘And now we know she also died in the fire’ Coulson concluded, looking up at her, ‘You did commit many atrocities during your time as the Widow- but those were dismissed before you were brought on to Shield. It is clear you aren’t Hydra, and it is wrong for us to detain you further’. 

And with that, he left the room. 

A key was produced from somewhere, and suddenly Natasha was free again. 

There was an awkward silence in the interrogation room as all the Avengers wondered what to say to her. 

It was Thor who broke the silence, ‘Lady Natasha I cannot deny your past has horrified me’ he began, ‘But I can understand your motivations for survival and to save your friend. There is, as you say, red in my ledger also, and I do not condemn you for it’. 

She wasn’t sure what to say to that- just accepted Thor’s arm as he gripped hers, and gave him a grateful smile. 

‘You’re-’ Steve began, ‘You’re not who I thought you were’. 

‘I understand’ she said, ‘If you don’t want anything to do with me after this’. 

Steve looked sadly between her and Yasha, ‘You went through something I’ll never be able to understand- both of you. I’m not happy knowing what you’ve done, but it would be hypocritical of me to forgive Bucky and not you’. 

Banner didn’t quite meet her eye as he said ‘I probably killed more people as the Hulk than you did in that hospital. You were trying to save a friend, I was trying make super soldiers. I can’t judge you’. 

They all looked over at Stark, who was leaning against the doorway, ‘I’ll admit I’m not thrilled about having a tower full of spysassins’ he said, ‘But if we’re going on body count alone, I’ve got the most blood on my hands of everyone’. 

They left the interrogation room and took the elevator back up to the Avengers floors, arriving in the common room in slightly uncomfortable silence. 

‘I’m not really sure where we go from here’ Clint said, ‘There’s no Shield, Hydra bases all over the globe, and we’ve just been made to listen to our teammates deepest darkest secrets’. 

Tony walked over the the kitchen island, pulled out a bottle of whiskey, and said, ‘I don’t know what we are supposed to do going forward, but for now, we can drink’. 

Natasha snorted a laugh, picking up one of the glasses he’d poured and holding it up in toast. 

‘To the Avengers’. 

Clint grinned at her, raising his own glass and looking around at their team, ‘To the weirdest team I’ve ever been on’.

‘Didn’t you grow up in the circus?’ Banner asked, avoiding the alcohol and reaching for a soda.

‘Yeah I did. You guys are weirder’.

There was a flurry of outrage and Natasha laughed again, studying them all over the rim of her glass. She’d done such horrible things in her life, but she was surrounded by probably the only people on earth who would understand that she’d had no choice. 

She wished, for the first time in years, that Karina was alive to see how it had all played out. To see that Yasha had found his home, and Nat has found people to call her friends. 

The others continued to chatter around her and only one person noticed that’s she’d lapsed into thoughtful silence. 

‘You want to go looking for her, don’t you?’ James asked in an undertone. 

She nodded slowly, ‘I need to know that Hydra didn’t get her. That we didn’t get her out for nothing’. 

He sighed, ‘You and Steve are so similar. You can’t just let something go’. 

She grinned up at him, ‘Come on Yasha- where’s your sense of adventure?’


End file.
